3 Reasons Setting Boundaries in your Relationships is Important.
There has been much misconception about setting boundaries in relationships. People often believe in this myth that boundaries are wrong because it keeps people apart. However, setting boundaries help people to have a healthy and better relationship. “Boundaries are a limit you set between yourself and people due to thoughts, activities, and things that aren’t in your best interest.
I think of Boundaries as when you buy a plot of land. I remember the first property my husband purchased. Boundaries were put in place to demarcate what he had from the rest of the area. The Boundaries reminded him of the importance of ensuring that the pillars or the beacons are still there whenever he visited the property.
This analogy is how boundaries work.
If we understand the need for boundaries with properties, buying land, or owning something, it is even more vital that we create boundaries in our relationships. We can find the bible verse on creating boundaries in Proverbs 4:23 “Guide your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issues of life.”
3 Reasons You Should Set Boundaries in your Relationships.
1. To Protect Treasures
Setting boundaries help us establish and protect the things that are important to us. We protect things like our individuality, marriage, Children, vision, family, and control of inflow and outflow of information.
2. To avoid exposing your life to unnecessary pressure.
Setting boundaries in your relationships help you avoid unnecessary pressures and things that can take your peace. It could be removing yourself from somethings that cause you undue stress, instead embrace the things that can grow you in every area of your life. Creating boundaries helps you stop feeling guilty about saying “No” to activities that are not planned or do not fit into your (family) dynamics.
3. Setting Boundaries Enhances Focus
Setting Boundaries in your relationships helps you focus on what is essential in your life and not get distracted by things that aren’t that important after all. Of course, we all have to do things we don’t want to do from time to time; that’s just life. But boundaries help you keep on track generally. It helps you to preserve your mission and vision.
Some of the areas we can create Boundaries are in your family, relationships, and marriage.
Boundaries in your relationships
Creating boundaries in your relationships allows you to be yourself and be comfortable in your relationship and does not mean you are not accepted.
Boundaries in your Family
When it comes to setting boundaries in family, we must be respectful to one another. When a family member creates boundaries, the other family members need to honor it. Boundaries exist, so families can continue to thrive.
Parents should respect their adult Children’s decisions, especially when they are married and have their own family.
Parents need to respect that their adult son or their adult daughter has their own family and refrain from disrespectfully speaking to them, maybe because they assume that they are still their child.
Boundaries in your Marriage
Husbands and wives need to stand up for their spouse. When it comes to what information you share with your family, it wouldn’t be right to expose your wife or husband to your family. It is to avoid disrespecting your spouse. It may also give your family the privileged to speak to them as they wish.
Your Immediate family should be your priority, and you need to protect their interests at all costs.
Besides, I’m not saying you should not regard your parents, but you don’t want to mess up your relationship because you’re going to have a longer time to spend with your spouse or with your children.
How to Set Boundaries in Your Relationships
1. Communicate your thoughts.
Learn to tell people what you want, how they should do it. For example, in your relationship or your friendship, you need to say to your friends, “this is how I want you to speak to me.” You don’t allow abusive behaviors. You don’t enable verbal expressions.
I used to remember one of my friends who would jokingly maybe say something that they may think is funny, but guess what? It always hurts my feelings. And then one day, I had to stand up and say, I do not like how you talk to me. It helped me to become comfortable and to understand when and how to speak with me. So it would help if you told your family members and friends what you want by communicating your thoughts.
2. Be Kind in your Speech
Colossians 4:6, It says that we need to be gracious in our speech and then season it a little bit with salt. That means you need to always appreciate people by saying good things about them.
Yes, you don’t expect people to be abusive to you. But how about you? How is your heart? How is your heart when you are telling people not to treat you a certain way? Are you able to do what you don’t want them to do to you? The bible says to do to others what you want them to do to you. So that is part of setting boundaries.
3. Follow through with your communication
When you communicate your thoughts; your feelings to people, ensure that you follow through. There’s something one of my favorite speakers and mentors says; she says that she believes in the “No” anointing.
What does that mean? She says no is a complete sentence. If you say no, make sure you stand by it. Don’t say no or maybe yes.
And if you are going to say no, don’t be pressured. Let’s say if someone invites you to an event and you know you can’t make it and if you say no, it will hurt your friend’s feelings. Since you don’t want to hurt their feelings, you agree to go; you may find that you may be going with a troubled heart. We need to follow through with our communication, even if it may hurt someone else.
The truth is that you can’t help everybody. You know, sometimes, we are so passionate that we want to help. Even Jesus could not heal everybody when he was here; he could do the things he could. The ability and the capacity to do within the conference of the body that he had at that time because he was God was a human being. So at some point, Jesus was tired. He needed to rest at some point; he said, let’s go over to the other side. We can’t just continue to go overboard.
You don’t want to be this super, super, super champion. You’re doing this so that people will say, Oh, he’s sweet, always lovely. So learn and protect yourself and know that your body needs some rest.
4. Respect your Boundaries
When it comes to boundaries in your relationships, you need to respect your interests. Take, for instance, a husband and wife. Yes, somebody will say, oh, what are you saying? Well, you are one. But at the same time, you should respect your boundaries when it comes to our family.
There are things that your wife may not be comfortable with, or your husband may not be pleased, a certain way, he doesn’t want to be addressed or something like that. Watch out for those things.
Don’t just say, “Oh, because I’m your husband, I’ll talk to you, anyhow I wish.” This type of attitude can result in physical and emotional abuse. So those things are boundaries. Those things are things we don’t want to get ourselves involved in.
So boundaries are here to help you grow in your relationship. Ensure that you follow through. Ensure that you communicate your thoughts. Please don’t assume that people know how you are feeling or see what you’re thinking.
Think about it, write down three things in your life you will like to see boundaries set, and find ways to achieve that.
Chandy and Martin
Their passion for seeing relationships thrive compelled them to get certified to become Marriage Relationship coaches.
Chandy and Martin are founders of the Love Truth Int. Ministries, Lovetruthinternational.com, a ministry where their mission is to speak God’s word in love. They also encourage marriages and relationships on their blog at godlyrelationshipandmarriage.com and social media handles- every day.
You will catch them every Sunday on Facebook and Youtube Live, where they share relationship tips that will encourage you.
Martin and Chandy have been married for nine years, and they live in Atlanta, GA, with their three beautiful children.