How do you heal from heartbreak?
Relationships are meant to bless us, but the enemy plans to use it to break us. Every relationship should start with God, with YOU, and with people. Your relationship with God sets a tone for every relationship you will have. Most times, we get it right with God and fail to get it right with ourselves, making us even more vulnerable to people.
It would be best if you had a clear definition of every relationship you get into. You have the right to choose the people you allow in the circle.
One truth is that there is always going to be an offense in any relationship. I know that someone in one way or another has hurt us.
We often remember when people hurt us, but we don’t know when we offend people. So, what that means is that as long as you live on this earth, you will, in one way or another, hurt somebody, and somebody, in the same way, will hurt you.
But the people we are going to be focusing on today will be those who have hurt you and don’t care about your feelings; they don’t care that you are heartbroken; what should you do when someone you love hurts you? How do you heal from heartbreak?
I want to share 7 steps on how to Heal from Heartbreak.
1. It is okay to Cry
When you are heartbroken from a relationship, it is okay to grieve the loss. This is the first step to heal from heartbreak. It is okay to share the memories that you have lost. Take your time. Do not allow anyone to pressure you from grieving. Yes, I understand that sometimes people want to help, but allow yourself to heal, and most often, healing comes from suffering. “To heal, you must pass through the doorway of grief.”
2. Recognize you are hurt
Validate your Feelings: You need to feel to heal. We risk our emotions to people we think can handle it, but not knowing that these people may not be in the right place to reciprocate the love or feelings we have given to them. So, when you are hurt, you need to validate what you have risked. The investment you have made in the relationship. Was it worth it? Or could you have done better?
3. Take Responsibility
It is so easy to blame or point fingers at people who may have hurt you; sometimes, we don’t take time to evaluate the situations. Accept responsibility for how you have played a role in the problem.
When you have taken responsibility for how you have played a role in the situation, you need to move towards forgiveness. It would help if you were open to forgive. Forgiveness is a gift we cannot give to ourselves except you have received forgiveness from God.
4. Forgive your offender
When you see forgiveness from the right perspective, it will change the position of your heart. We always say forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you; it is for me because I get to the point of becoming at peace with myself when I let go. God has forgiven us in advance even before we ask for forgiveness. The Bible said, even while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Do you have to wait for the person to apologize to you before you forgive? When you see forgiveness as a gift from God, you will stop hurdling it. Humanly, it is difficult or even impossible for us to forgive somebody who has hurt us.
The reality of our nature reflects the type of fruit we bear. The more we run to God every day, the more we become like him in seeing life and people. The truth is this: we can’t Love without the power of the Holy Spirit. Our capacity to love grows, supernaturally, as we surrender to God.
5. Take control of your life.
When we are hurt, it is always painful, and we often do not have a way to describe it. No matter how many times you get hurt, always be ready to take responsibility for your happiness. The past relationship that has brought you pain did not make you, so don’t let it break you. God made you in his image, and you need to go back to him with your brokeness. God can use your brokenness to create a beautiful masterpiece when you give it to him.
That you were hurt or rejected by someone does not mean that God has abandoned you. The Bible said that even if your mother or father forsakes you, God will not leave you. Psalms 27:10
You need to understand that life happens, and people walk in and out of our lives. Seasons change, and as we grow and mature, we change too. When you grow in your relationship and God, you will begin to see God remove things and people that no longer look like him in your life (chisel) to become like him.
6. Establish Boundaries
Learn to set boundaries in your relationships. One thing that can hurt you is that you did not set limits on how you want people to treat you. You need to know your value. You can not demand so much from people when you keep devaluing yourself.
There are somethings one can tolerate. When you are in that relationship, recognize that you are whole first, and no one completes you. You are in a position to tell them some things you cannot tolerate in a relationship. Let’s say, for instance, if you and your partner have planned a date and you were to meet somewhere, and they keep standing you up or even showing up late.
Tell them that you do not want to be stood up again and have better things to do if they do not value their time. Speak up over and over again. Setting boundaries does not mean you are rude or disrespectful, but it merely means that you know your worth and value, and you do not want to be an option for someone.
I remember what Jesus said in the scripture. He said if your eyes cause you to sin, plug it out. I’m not saying you should plug out your eyes. What Jesus was trying to tell us is that whatever that will be a problem that will hinder you from achieving all that God has called you to be, cut it off.
It would help if you learned how to navigate that relationship so that you don’t allow people to keep coming to hurt you and leave you heartbroken, leading people to depression and all. If they keep violating your boundaries, then it is time to take control of the situation. If it means cutting off from this person, then do it.
7. Move on with life and let Go.
I remember the First Lady I wanted to get married to; coincidently, she bears the same name as my wife. I knew I was ready to be married.
I prayed to God that I would not get married to any other lady. You see, I was afraid of the “will of God for me.” At that time in my walk with God, I had always thought that God’s will for us would go against our will and not come in the package we want. I was afraid of the “will of God for me” You know, I thought God would bring someone “UGLY” to me and say Here “This is my will for you” So you know what I did, I took matters into my hands.
I chose my wife, and I asked God to bless the relationship.
At this time, we have dated for about three years (long-distance), which helps a lot to save your purity, but that was my situation. We were not living in the same city; we only met once and always communicated through phone calls. I had already introduced her to my family, and she has introduced me to her family. The two families were now looking forward to uniting as one in marriage.
Then one day, I had a DREAM. And in that Dream, we just got married, and my beloved wife was missing,
and I could not find her. While I was going to look for her, a friend told me in the dream that she was just in a hotel room with another man, and while I was still trying to process the news with tears in my eyes, I found out that I woke up crying and I was heartbroken.
I told God that if this were a way for him to give me his will, which may not necessarily be my will, I would not be interested. I said my prayers and decided to take a three-day retreat to Camp of faith to seek God’s answers.
After the Retreat, I did not hear from God, and I said that I would not tell this lady that I was no longer interested in getting married. That if he wants me out of this relationship, he should do something about it.
On returning from the Retreat, I learned that she has been trying to reach me (I had blocked every communication during this time), and she had something to tell me. When I met her, she told me she didn’t want to continue with the relationship anymore. I did not have it, even though I knew this might happen, I pleaded with her to stay, and I asked her not to leave. It broke my heart to see her walk away from my life. But with time, God healed me from the hurt, and I learned to move on with life.
Looking back now, I am thankful to God for unanswered prayers. If I didn’t break up or rather if she didn’t break up with me, I would not have married my beautiful wife, Chandy. Who I love and adore and who is working on God’s purpose for our lives.
So many times, God breaks relationships for our Good.
We may not see what God is protecting us from, and since our vision is limited, we tend to sweat it, worry and hurt. But the question is, can you trust God even when you are hurt. He said in Jeremiah 29:11. I know, the plans I have for you say the lord of host, Plans for good and not for evil, which will bring you to an expected end.
“As much as you want to experience only good and pleasant things, bad experiences are inevitable. They will happen anyway, and you will get hurt. What’s important is that you learn to pull yourself back up after every fall and start over with even more determination each time.”
God does his thing in his own time. It would help if you allowed yourself to heal and not carry it on to the next relationships. If we do not allow hurts to heal, resentment can occur.
Not only is this an unhealthy way of dealing with pain, but it is also a way to open doors for the enemy to come into your life and your relationships.
Chandy and Martin
Their passion for seeing relationships thrive compelled them to get certified to become Marriage Relationship coaches.
Chandy and Martin are founders of the Love Truth Int. Ministries, Lovetruthinternational.com, a ministry where their mission is to speak God’s word in love. They also encourage marriages and relationships on their blog at godlyrelationshipandmarriage.com and social media handles- every day.
You will catch them every Sunday on Facebook and Youtube Live, where they share relationship tips that will encourage you.
Martin and Chandy have been married for nine years, and they live in Atlanta, GA, with their three beautiful children.