Expectation in Marriage

Redefining Expectations in Marriage

Happiness lies in managing your expectations better

We all go into marriage with expectations. Come to think of it, we have seen movies, we have read books, we have seen marriages that we admire, and we say to ourselves, I want this! That’s what I pray to have in my marriage. That is the kind of marriage I want to have.. so on and so forth.

I thought the same too, and I was that girl who has seen movies and read books and seen marriages and say; I want my family to look like that!

However, we have to be careful what we pray. Good things don’t come easy. Most times, you have to work for them. In our marriage, I have learned that my relationship cannot be like so, so, yes, they can model for us what we see, but ultimately we need to work it out. We need to allow God to use our differences, our similarities, our willingness to work it out for us.

One thing we have done is to lower our expectations in marriage-

My Husband had a high expectation of me when we got married

He expected me to conform to his normalcy, which was not mine. You should know about my husband that he is organized and wants things to be done in a particular way. On the other hand, I am spontaneous and can adjust easily. hence it was easy for me to adjust when I came to Nigeria and stayed for more than 8months.

Hubby was always picking up on every little thing I did. He was “perfect” in my eyes, which frustrated me and caused a lot of aggravation in my heart. I wouldn’t say I liked every time he comes with his correction, which caused me to rebel more.

expectations in marriage

This carried in for years in our marriage, and when he went to God to pray, God reminded him of the promises he made at the altar. For better for worst.. meaning no matter what your wife does, you need to learn to accept her.

No matter who your husband is, you need to learn to accept them. We have different personalities, and it could be challenging in marriage if we do not understand our spouse’s personalities.

It was not until my husband began to neglect some of the things he would have complained about when I understood why those things mattered to him. I had to learn to start to adjust to his personality while he did too.

Now, I see Martin for who he is and not what He is not while praying to become all that God wants him to be.

“Expectations cause needless aggravation. Aggravation causes disappointments, which lead to frustration and arguments. Arguments lead to bitterness and strife, which lead to a strained relationship. A strained relationship endangers fellowship… When the fellowship is endangered, you jeopardize your marriage. True love expects nothing in return”. ~Myles Munroe.

One other way to lower your expectations in marriage is to avoid Comparison.

Yes, the Comparison can occur in marriage. Especially if you have married friends you meet or see frequently or occasionally; comparison can unexpectedly. “Comparison is the thief of joy and peace.” Comparison can rob you of what is in front of you.

God has given me my family to nurture, love, and bring them up in fear of the lord.

©️Chandy Kalu


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