According to Psychology, Today, relationships are complex; the ones with your spouse, partner, colleague, boss, best friend, parent, child, and so on. When two people come together, there are differing expectations, backgrounds, and differences in power and responsibility, depending on the relationship.
We fight, quarrel over trivial issues with our friends, lovers, and partners just because we haven’t learned this ONE secret.
Some time ago, I had a little issue with my best friend. He had called me as usual. Typically, we would talk about everything, everything at all.
Then as we spoke, he said something jokingly about me. Although I knew he was joking, I had laughed over it, then I thought about it genuinely, and just later, I became offended.
It felt as if he doesn’t trust me.
I wasn’t expecting him to say that and come to think of it, and I felt he should have known me enough not to joke about such an issue.
Guess what I did?
I dropped the call.
I expected him to understand that I didn’t like what he said.
He called again, but I refused to take the call.
He didn’t call anymore.
As I laid on my bed ruminating over the day’s activities, it occurred to me that I had reacted harshly.
I felt I should have just told him how I felt rather than assume he knew and dropped the call on him.
I sent him a text apologizing for dropping the call and explained to him how I felt.
But he didn’t reply.
That was the beginning of a misunderstanding between us.
From that day, he stopped replying to my messages, chats and even started ignoring my calls. How would I have known the gravity of that little act? It hurt his ego so much.
He was angry that I picked offense over a friendly joke, while I was mad that he could even make such a joke. Although, I sincerely apologized for overreacting. But trust me, this was a big deal for us.
He concluded that it was guilt that made me overreact. Then our friendship was deeply affected. My friend stopped teasing me as he used to, and I became careful of my words and actions around him.
I was apprehensive about this as I felt I was losing my dear friend. I mean, we could discuss anything at all before then.
My mentor had chatted me up, as usual, asking how I was. I bluntly told her I wasn’t okay. (I’ve come to trust her so much that I find it difficult to hide my hurts and feelings.
She knew it was unusual for me to respond this way. She had to call me so that we could talk. I told her everything and how I felt. Yeah, we’re that close.
When I finished telling her, she laughed and said, “is that all that happened? ” What? For real? I felt like she didn’t understand what I just told her. Firstly, she said she saw no big deal with what my best friend said. I mean, she took a stand with him and blamed me.
I knew I overreacted, but I needed her to see what made me react that way. She kept on laughing. Then, she said to me: “Beautiful” (yeah, that’s what she calls me). “I’m not taking side with your best friend, by the way, I don’t even know him, except for you; it’s you I know. But I see nothing in this.
Although he shouldn’t have said something like that as a joke as it contradicts your personality, you shouldn’t have reacted this way. I have been where you are now, and I understand how you feel, Beautiful.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. If your friend is on the wrong side, you too shouldn’t be on the wrong side. All you’re supposed to do is to tell him how you feel about this politely. That’s what you should have done.
His attitude towards you has changed because of that little reaction, and he’s even suspecting you to be guilty of the joke; this has never happened. If you hadn’t reacted, this wouldn’t have come up.
But I do not blame you, though, because such a joke can hurt a faithful woman like you. All I’m saying is that you overreacted. You made a case out of nothing without even considering the kind of man your friend is.
All men aren’t the same. I know you have close male friends who would have apologized for this, but this your friend is different. Deal with every man differently. “She continued:
“When you get into any form of relationship with any man. Take away the knowledge you already have about men. Now, take your time, study the man, and know his uniqueness. He may not handle or react to situations like the other men you’ve learned. Every man is unique in his way.
Women walk into relationships with men with the knowledge they already have about men, not considering the peculiarity of every man.
When you get to know a man, go in with a piece of new knowledge, feign ignorance about other men, take your time and study that man. See him as the only man you know so you can get to know him better. He may not react or do the things you have read or understood about men.
And if you’re not aware of this, you will keep having a misunderstanding with them. Men are not as complicated as we think they are. We complicate things for ourselves…”
Everything she said sank deep into me like water to a thirsty soul. I was glad I could confide in her.
After she dropped the call, I thought profoundly and saw the truth in everything she told me, and then I wrote a few things in my diary.
Yes, it was an unlearning process for me. I just unlearned some things I had learned about relationships and just discovered a new idea. And since then, this has helped me in my relationships with men, of course, not only men, everyone at all.
Sadly, relationship coaches would always teach you tips to keep your relationship sparkling, but they never told you that all men are not the same. They never said to you that these men have different backgrounds, ideologies, beliefs, etc.
They never tell you that the fact that you cooked food for Eric and he was excited doesn’t mean that when you cook food for Alex, he’ll be excited. No, maybe Alex can only be thrilled when he sees you always support his vision and give him a suggestion on the next action plan.
If you’re married or in a relationship, You must get to know who your man is. Understand his uniqueness and know that he may not always go the conventional way you’ve been taught men will go. Love and admire him for being different and don’t try boxing him into doing it the way you have always envisioned.
The same thing applies to men. Get to know your woman; she may not be like the other women you have met out there. I appreciate her uniqueness.
Moreover, they learn to ignore certain things. Don’t always react.
Related Post:5 Ways to Put the Spark Back in your relationship
My reaction to my friend’s words almost crippled our sweet friendship. Other men may not react this way, though, but this is what makes every man unique.
I appreciate this and know the right time to react and how best to respond, and I hope this will help you build your relationship with your lover and everyone around you.
I love you.
©Blessing Chibuike(Blessed Pen)
Blessing Chibuike (Blessed Pen) is a skilled and outstanding story teller and content creator. She creates contents for business and personal brand, blog, events, social media posts and websites
She is a servant of Christ, life healer and founder of Whole Life Foundation
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